Actual answers from school clildren's  test papers.
 

The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies.
They lived in the desert and traveled by Camelot.
The climate of the desert was such that the inhabitants had
to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are
cultivated by irritation.  The Egyptians built the Pyramids
in the shape of a huge triangular cube.
 
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made
bread without any ingredients.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.
 
Greeks invented three kinds of columns. . .Corinthian,
Doric, and Ironic.  They also had myths.  A myth is a
female moth.
 
Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his poor subjects by
playing the fiddle to them.
 
Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through
an apple while standing on his son's head.
  
John Milton was a great author.  He wrote Paradise Lost.
Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.
 
The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers.  Many people
died and many babies were born.  Captain John Smith was
responsible for all this.
 
Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket
and a loaf of bread under each arm.  He invented electricity by
rubbing cats backwards, and declared "A horse divided against itself
cannot stand."  Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.
 
George Washington married Marth Curtis and in due time
became the Father of Our Country.
 
Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to have
bare arms.
 
Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent.
Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log
cabin which he built with his own hands.
 
Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while traveling from
Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope.
He claimed it represented law and odor.
On the night of April 14, 1855, Lincoln went to the theater and got
shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show.
The assinator was John Wilkes Booth, an insane actor.
This ruined Booth's career.
 
Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton.  It is chiefly noticeable
in the Autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.
 
Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and
unrestrained.  He wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since
Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't bear children.
 
The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire
is in the East and the sun sets in the West.
Queen Victoria was the longest queen.  She sat on a thorn
for 63 years.
 
Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work
of a hundred men.
 
Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel.
Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English.
He was very large.    He died from 1750 to the present.
Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf.  He was so deaf he
wrote very loud music.   Beethoven expired in 1827 and then later
he died.